Part of being mentally healthy is knowing your own mind, understanding that you are important and that you deserve happiness too. It’s not healthy to continually feel like you have to explain yourself. The decisions you make and your reasoning behind them are your choices, and nobody has the right to make you feel anything other than ok with that. You should never apologise for putting yourself first or taking care of your mental health.
There are times in life when apologising is import and necessary. However, there also times when it’s definitely not.
Some things you should never apologise for.
Needing some time to yourself
In today’s 24/7 connected society, It’s not easy to find time for yourself, however, taking some time out from your busy life is actually, good for your health! So why is it you feel so guilty when you do? People often associate your need to be alone as antisocial or that you must be lonely and sad, they might call you out for it. But, there are lots of physical and psychological benefits to spending some time alone.
You’ll have time to
- Reboot your brain
- Improve your concentration
- Discover something new about yourself
- Think deeply and asses your life
- Work through any problems you may have
Taking time to care for yourself is something you should never apologise for or feel guilty about, It keeps you happy, healthy and strong.
Speaking your mind
For most of us speaking our mind is difficult. How many times have you wanted to speak up and say how you really feel, but haven’t had the courage? If you’re a “people pleaser” like me, you’ll tend to be polite to spare other peoples feelings, very often at the expense of your own.
Speaking your mind takes guts! It shows honesty and commands respect from others. It stops people taking advantage of you and reduces any pressure you put on yourself.
Speaking your mind doesn’t mean you’re being cruel or hurting other peoples feelings, it could just be that you are bringing new ideas to the table. Having the confidence to say what’s on you think encourages others to speak up too. You’ll be an inspiration, stop apologising for it!
Asking for help
Asking for help is something I used to be terrible at! It made me feel like a failure like I couldn’t cope and that I’d be considered a burden. So wrong! Asking for help is one of the smartest things you can do, nobody gets anywhere alone, not even the most successful people.
Let’s face it if someone didn’t want to help they’d likely say no anyway! Most of the time people love to be asked to help out. Even though it might not feel like it; human beings are social creatures, and asking someone for help when you need it can build connections and strengthen friendships.
Needing help is nothing to be ashamed of, or even apologise for; it takes courage and strength to admit.
Your past mistakes
We’ve all made mistakes, some of them big whopping disastrous ones! However, what’s done is done you can’t change the past just as you can’t predict the future. Once you’re at peace with things that have happened in the past and you have put it behind you, it’s over.
Apologising over and over again for something you did or said won’t change what happened.
Of course, there will be people who want to bring up past events, and sometimes purely to make you feel bad! All you have to do is let them know, politely, that you are trying to move on with your life, and that they should too. Draw a line under it right now!
No is an extremely powerful word and if you use it wisely can serve you well. Saying no doesn’t have to come across as rude or hurtful and once you realise that, you’re on to a winner! It takes courage to say no to people, but sometimes it’s necessary, especially when you’ve already stretched yourself too thin.
There’s no need to overcomplicate things or make excuses; you owe no explanations. Your time is your own, and you don’t have to apologise for using it as you please!
The truth is that saying no can be difficult, but saying yes to everything when you can’t spare the time or emotional energy will lead to resentment and regret.
Having a messy house
Do you start apologising about the state of your home before people even get a foot through the door?
I did for many years, but I don’t do it any more, and you know why? I have a life and kids! The thing to remember is, if somebody is judging you about the state of your home, they’re going to judge you no matter what, apologising won’t change that. Why should you care?
Stop apologising for the mess; it makes people feel less welcome. Friends understand, and friends let friends see their imperfections, dirty underpants on the floor and all. A friend will understand and if they too are a mum, will more than likely be quite adept at stepping over toys and dodging pot noodle spillages.
Truth be told, apologising doesn’t fix the problem, cleaning does! Therefore you really only have two options, to accept your level of chaos or do something about it!
Telling the truth
Have you ever told the truth about anything only to find somebody has taken offence and become angry? Sometimes, the truth hurts and disingenuous people will often want to punish you for that.
You should never feel afraid to speak the truth, and yes, sometimes it might be easier to sugarcoat something but what good will that do anyway?
Generally speaking, if somebody has asked you a question or, for your opinion, they want to know the truth anyway. Speaking the truth denotes a genuine and honest character, which is most definitely something you shouldn’t be apologising for!
Doing well in life
It’s a sad but true fact, that there are some people in life that will try to tear you down when you’re doing well. Those people are the ones that will try to make you feel guilty for improving your life. Real friends and people who care for you will never make you feel like you have to apologise, and so you shouldn’t!
It all boils down to jealousy and insecurities of those who seek to bring you down. Maybe they aren’t happy with their lives, and you are making them feel bad, but that isn’t your fault! You have taken the initiative, are moving on and they feel stuck.
A good person will encourage, support and be happy when you are doing well.
How you feel
You should never be ashamed of or need to apologise for how you feel. Your thoughts and emotions are yours and you shouldn’t feel guilty for that, ever. Noticing how you feel about something is good for your mental health and can help you feel better.
Having the capacity to be aware of, control and express your emotions is whats know as emotional intelligence. A lot of the time, your feelings are the driving force behind your actions. Providing you understand how to react when you feel a certain way you shouldn’t be made to apologise for that.
Dealing with your feelings honestly as they arise avoids a build-up, which in the end could lead to circumstances you do need to apologise for!
Apologising and being genuinely sorry is a necessary part of life.
Saying, I’m sorry, can be extremely powerful. Apologising can help you express guilt if you’ve wronged someone or can restore a sense of trust between two people.
That said, too much of something can eventually be sickening. Excessively apologising throughout your life can show a lack of self-esteem, confidence and competence.
Unnecessary self-criticism might be to blame here! If you find you’re apologising for things very often, maybe you need to stop being so hard on yourself and understand that everybody makes mistakes from time to time, you’re only human, give yourself a break.
Unless of course, you are a perfect human being, which I highly doubt, sorry (not sorry)!